


Stuffed Cat and Lyin'

by miscers



Category: Split (2016)
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, Mentions of Current Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, a little bit of poking fun at Dennis' teenage hormones, mentions of Dennis' OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 16:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10745898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miscers/pseuds/miscers
Summary: Dennis wakes up in an interrogation room.Him and the other alters try piece together what happened, while making sure that Kevin stays out of jail, and, even more important, his mother never finds out.Just a fun story about one of the ways Kevin's alters could have manifested. Not too serious in tone, but not written as crack, either.





	Stuffed Cat and Lyin'

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer that this is not the most accurate portrayal of DID. It's based upon Split's supernaturally-tinged, fantastical DID, which I assume you all are familiar with.  
> This takes place in Kevin's youth, and slightly graphic mentions of abuse are present, but no scene describes the actual abuse taking place.

Dennis comes into awareness with a start.  
He had been waiting, unneeded, in the depths of Kevin's fractured mind, taking a break from the abuse of the week. Today was a Saturday, the only day that Kevin's mother would allow them to go play for hours before he needed to come home and do his chores.

Their mind is abuzz, with everyone talking loudly over themselves, a few of them shrieking in fear, anger- he couldn't tell. He tries to ignore them and focus on what's happening to the body, what they're seeing in front of them.

The system is in a room, brightly lit and fairly small, slumped onto a metal table. Dennis notes with slight revulsion that the table in front of their arms is littered with cup stains and the remains of other fluids. Frantic, he tried to figure who was fronting, who was taking care of the situation.  
As their mind roiled, and everyone was fighting, Dennis realized that no one was, and their body was just sitting there, blankly, as its mind tore itself apart.

Focusing in, he listened to the others, desperate to figure out what happened.

 _"What in blazes is going on here? Kevin? Dennis?"_ Patricia, worried and angry, seemed as confused as he was. She wasn't needed until they went to church tomorrow, so she had probably been waiting, as well.

A sassy reply. _"Well, maybe if you took a look at where we are, you'd figure it out!"_ Jade.

 _"You guys, this isn't helping!"_ There was Kevin, panicking, Dennis noted with surprise. He usually disappeared when things were crazy likes this.  
If Kevin was here, then something odd was going on.

The newest alter, Barry, tried to soothe them, _"Listen, guys, we need calm down. Getting worked up like this isn't helping, at all."_

 _"What happened?"_ Dennis finally called out, and things went silent.

A voice stage-whispered, _"Oh no, you guys woke Dennis up!"_ That was Norma, Dennis figured.

 _"Sorry, Dennis."_ Polly apologized.

 _"We should just get out of here; they can't just keep up us locked up like this."_ Complaining, Heinrich ignored Dennis.

Confused, Dennis asked, gut sinking, _"Locked up?"_

Sighing, Goddard answered him, voice tinged with anger, _"Hedwig got us into trouble."_  
_"With the police."_

If Dennis had eyes of his own (or was controlling the body's), they would have bulged out. He looked over the room their body was in with a new light, and felt himself start to shake.

 _"Hedwig!_ " He ground out, furious. Of _course_ , the boy had been noticeably quiet. That usually meant that he did something bad and was hiding from the rest of them.

Timidly, Hedwig answered him. _"Dennis?"_ He stuttered, trying to sound innocent, but failing horribly.

 _"What did you do?"_ Dennis growled at him, things falling into place.  
Hedwig could steal and control the light at will, which meant he was stopping anyone from fronting. And, if he had gotten them in trouble, then he certainly wouldn't want to be out right now.

Sniffling, Hedwig blubbered, _"I- I just wanted, I didn't mean- to get in trouble, I'm so- so sorry."_ The younger boy hiccuped.

 _"He's been like this all damn day!"_ Jade complained. _"He whined until we let him front earlier, and I come back now and he's throwing a fit!"_

Kevin mumbled, voice tired, _"I don't know how it happened, but he freaked out, and called us all here."_

Dennis wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose, but as he couldn't, merely glared at Hedwig, instead.  
_"Just give me the light, Hedwig."_ His voice was dark.

Sobbing, Hedwig complied, and the next thing Dennis knew, he was in control. The first thing he did was quickly lift their head up, away from the dirty table.  
Dennis looked around them and squinted, because of his worse vision, reaching into their jacket for his glasses. He patted the different pockets for a moment, before realizing whoever dressed the body today forgot them, or even worse, someone lost them.

The glasses were a cheap pair from a dollar store, but with them not having an allowance, and the money stash they did have being dipped into by ten other people, it was hard enough to be able to save up for that.  
Dennis frowned and resigned to giving himself (or hopefully someone else) a headache later.

The others in his head had quieted their chatter down a bit, waiting to see what would happen.  
Hedwig had gone silent again, seeming like he wouldn't be any help.  
Dennis scoffed to himself and crossed his arms. Nothing new on that front.

He started as the door opened, and a man walked through it. Dennis couldn't make out exact features, but could tell the man was older, fat, and slightly balding, despite having thick, dark hair and a mustache.  
The man gave him a big, humorless smile, and came to stand by him. He took a swig from the styrofoam coffee cup in his hand, and held a cup- water- in front of Dennis.

Eyes still narrowed, Dennis nodded and thanked him, hesitantly grabbing the water cup with his fingertips. Now that the man was closer, Dennis could see a sort of shiny film on his fingers, like he had been eating something sticky.  
The man also had crumbs in his mustache, and Dennis felt his stomach turn in disgust.

The man finally spoke, leaning against the table. "Detective Brown, at your service." He gave a mock salute, still holding his coffee cup. "You done cryin' yet, boy?"

Confused, Dennis realized that his eyes were puffy and slightly wet. Hedwig had probably been crying before he took himself back in.  
Dennis frowned, slightly embarrassed. They were- well, the body was- thirteen now; Hedwig couldn't be crying like a little kid in front of anyone like that.  
Out of his need to be clean, Dennis used the inside of his jacket sleeve to wipe his eyes.

The cop laughed, genuinely amused by Dennis reaction. He guffawed, "Yeah, I can tell this is your first time down at the station, boy. Damn, you've fucked up, now."

Dennis could feel a couple of the girls flinch from the man's profanity. Steeling himself, he told the cop, evenly, "Sir, this is all a big misunderstanding. I would never commit a crime, I swear."  
Dennis knew _he_ never would; their system would get eaten alive in jail. He internally shuddered to think about Kevin, the girls, and even Hedwig, despite him being a pest, locked up in prison.

The cop raised his bushy eyebrows and let out another bark of laughter. He was starting to get on Dennis' nerves.  
"That's some big talk coming from someone who was filmed stealing, and then ran away from the police." Brown shook his head, still laughing.

Dennis felt his blood run cold. Stealing? Running away from the police?  
What had Hedwig gotten them into?

The boy whimpered from inside their head, as the others interrogated and reassured him. Nobody mentioned seeing exactly what he had done, which seemed improbable to Dennis. How did they just let the younger boy get away from something like this?  
Dennis' brow furrowed, as he stared at the- filthy- cup of water in front of them. He should have expected something like this. If he was the one fronting, something like this would have never happened to them- to Kevin.

Sighing, Dennis tried to adjust his glasses, but remembered he wasn't wearing them. Just one more aggravation for today.  
Oh well, dealing with the police couldn't be any worse than dealing with Kevin's enraged mother. Just like her, he'd just have to appease them, and get the least amount of punishment he could.

Sitting up even straighter, he looked at the officer in the eyes and respectfully stated, "Detective Brown, sir, I'm sorry I've cause you all this trouble." The detective stared back, slightly amused, drinking his coffee. "I don't know what I was thinking, taking that-"

 _"What did you steal, Hedwig?"_ Dennis asked furiously, scaring the boy enough that he answered.

Voice thick, he wheezed, _"A-a kitty!"_

Dennis paused, screwing up his face. The detective squinted his eyes and continued drinking. Surprised, he stumbled, _"You- you tried to steal a cat?"_

 _"No, a stuffed kitty,"_ Hedwig tearfully explained, _"It was orange and had stripes and big pink bow. It was like, really cute, Dennis."_  
_"They had a stuffed polar bear, too, but it was too big; I knew it wouldn't find under our jacket."_  
_"We should get a new jacket, like a big- big fur coat. But not real fur; it just looks like it. I- I don't wanna hurt any animals."_

Dennis ignored Hedwig's babbling and finished his sentence for the cop, embarrassed. "-that stuffed cat. I'm not sure why I would _ever_ do that." He emphasized it, so that Hedwig knew he was addressing him.

Laying his palms out, beseechingly, Dennis pleaded, "Believe me, sir, it will never happen again. It was a mistake, and I've learned my lesson."

The cop sighed and set his coffee down. Taking a moment to collect his words, the cop gestured with his hands. "Listen, kid." He splayed his fingers out. "Believe it or not, we don't want to arrest any ol' brat that does a petty crime. We don't got the time."  
"Usually we just try to scare you guys a little bit, give you a slap on the wrist, and send you on your way."  
The cop rubbed his mustache with his pointer finger, and Dennis was glad that his vision was poor enough he couldn't see the crumbs flying out. "It's you running away and having that little meltdown of yours that really concerns us."

Dennis' lips pursed. The others were aflutter, some blaming Hedwig while others tried to defend him. Orwell was going on about some child king who lost his throne because of his immaturity, and Polly was crying.  
Clearly none of them were going to be any help.

"Sir, please." Dennis tried to sound genuine. "It was... a dare from one of my friends. When I saw the police, I got scared, and bolted."  
Dennis added, trying to cover all his bases. "I ran because I didn't want my friends to get in trouble."

Dennis wasn't a faithful boy (that was more Patricia's forte), but he prayed to God the detective would drop it, and not ask about his supposed "friends".

The detective nodded, slowly, and said, "Yeah, fluffy kitty cats don't really seem like your kind of thing, boy." He grinned, not nastily, but teasing, at Dennis, who gave a strained, fake smile in return.  
He could do this. He could get them out of this.  
He was the only one that could.

"Unfortunately," Dennis' head jerked up at the detective's word, heart pounding. "They make us do this whole new 'child psychology' thing, where we call someone in to talk to you if it looks like you're having a rough time or whatever."  
Dennis' eyes grew wide as the detective scoffed. "Now, I don't prescribe to all of that nonsense, but it's what has to be done, you know?"

"I mean, look at you." The cop gestured at Dennis, whose mind was screaming and falling apart. "You're a little chickenshit, but you don't look like you've got anythin' wrong with you."

The cop laughed, and Dennis forced a laugh, too high for the voice he spoke in. He coughed, embarrassed by his still-changing voice, as the cop laughed harder and patted him on the back. Dennis had to physically stop himself from flinching and jerking away, as his thoughts shrieked about the cop's hands, how filthy and sticky and _gross_ they were.

Polly, sweet Polly, was trying to calm him down, when there was a knock at the door to the interrogation room.  
Dennis, startled, hunched his shoulders in on himself, as the cop chuckled went to the door.  
"Speak of the devil!" He called over his shoulder, as he took out his keys.

Composing himself, Dennis sat up and tried to ignore the germs, the filth smeared on his back. He needed to be one hundred percent "normal"; a perfectly average boy.  
He fixed a smile on his face as he waited for the detective to open the door.

 _"You look terrible."_ Barry laughed. _"Let me handle this."_

 _"No, no, neither of you are normal; I'll do it."_ Norma chided, tone nasty.

 _"I can help."_ Hedwig offered, voice small.

In response, Dennis verbally muttered, "Shut up," through his clenched smile, as Detective Brown stepped back from the door.  
From the other side, came a young, beautiful woman.

Dennis felt his heart stutter and stop. A chorus of voices in his head immediately either laughed or groaned disparagingly at him. He tried to ignore the way they were mocking him.  
His tongue involuntarily slipped slipped out of his lips and wetted them, as his face flushed and his palms grew sweaty.

 _"Damn it, it just had to be a woman."_ Dennis moaned, inside, casting his eyes away from her.

Kevin, in resisting the urges his hormones had given him, had pushed them all onto Dennis. Normally, this was fine, as Dennis only dealt with their mother, who only aroused fear within them.  
But, this woman... she was beautiful. Even without his glasses, even with her sensible clothes, he could trace the outlines of her body with his eyes.  
Dennis could feel heat rise up his neck as his eyes pored over the woman in front of him. No, he needed to be good...

"I'll be right back; call me if he gives you any trouble." Brown left the room, talking to the woman over his shoulder.

The woman sat down in the chair Brown had left neglected all this time. She pulled her briefcase up onto the table, and smiled at Dennis. He felt like he was going to faint.

Looking away, Dennis tried to straighten his thoughts out, to cast away his... his desires, if he wanted to sound like Patricia. Or Kevin's mother.

The other alters chattered in his mind, offering advice or telling him to let someone else handle the situation. Dennis ignored them and clenched his fists tight.

The woman cleared her throat, trying to get his attention. Dennis reluctantly looked at her, keeping his gaze fixed on her ear. She wore pearls, making her look refined and mature.  
Too old. Too old for him, Dennis told himself.

She furrowed her brow, probably at his lack of eye-contact (this was the best Dennis could do), but didn't say anything about it.  
She smiled at him, again, and said, "Hi, Kevin."

Dennis jumped, and accidentally looked in her eyes, before quickly looking away. He wasn't aware they knew Kevin's name.  
She laughed and apologized, voice lilting and colored with a slight Southern accent.  
It was sweet and refreshing, like iced tea on a hot day.  
Dennis wet his lips, again, throat dry.

"Well, honey," Dennis melted. "Seems you've got yourself into quite a mess." The woman's smile was kind, and her voice was warm. Dennis kept his hands under the table, wiping the sweat of of them onto his jeans.

The woman's bright eyes bore at Dennis' skin. She introduced herself, "My name is Melanie Snow. You can call me Dr. Snow." Her smile was radiant.

 _"She's pretty."_ Hedwig meekly said, still not sure how mad the others were at him.

 _"Yeah, and she sounds nice!"_ Polly giggled.

 _"Dennis, remember..."_ Patricia warned him.

Dennis wasn't sure what he was supposed to remember, but he _knew_. Don't stare, don't get worked up, don't get her freaked out enough that she called him a pervert and got them all locked up.

 _"Dennis,"_ Barry whispered. _"Lemme step in here."_

 _"No, Hedwig, give the light to me."_ Heinrich demanded.

Dennis ignored them, and focused on the woman in front of him, who gave him a curious look, still smiling. Snow said, tapping her long red fingernails on the table, "Is everything okay, Kevin?"

Used to answering to and acting like Kevin, Dennis gave a nervous smile and replied, "Yeah, everything's okay, I mean," he waved a hand nervously before quickly returning it below the table, "Besides the whole 'being arrested' thing."

"That's right." Snow's smile turned into a small pout, and Dennis tried to block out the floral scent of her perfume. His mother used heavier, muskier scents. "Now, honey, why would you do something like that, stealing a little ol' stuffed kitty cat?"

Dennis was about to answer her, hurriedly perfecting the excuse he gave to the detective earlier, when Brown re-entered the room, a coffee cup and paper bag in his hands, and a donut held in his mouth.  
Seems that sometimes stereotypes were true, Dennis thought sardonically, before Snow leaned over to accept the cup of coffee.

His eyes automatically honed in a gap between her pressed, button-up shirt caused by her reaching out, and as she moved, he caught sight of her teal bra. Dennis' eyes grew wide, and he clamped his thighs together.

Lurching himself back into the mind, Dennis caused a loud stir between the alters, as he left the body without a front.  
He- he couldn't do this anymore. His repressed hormones were killing him, and he didn't want to embarrass them any more or cause even more trouble.  
He felt incredibly shameful, but it was better of him to give up control before he lost it.

Moving quickly, a voice called out to Hedwig, _"Hedwig, give me the light!"_

Before Snow had even finished stirring her coffee, another alter had slipped into place, and stared at her, calmly, in the eyes.

 _"And who is this?"_ Orwell mused, as questions rippled around the mind.

Tutting, Patricia asked, _"Hedwig, dear, who did you give the light to?"_

 _"Barry."_ Hedwig answered, voice muffled.

There were sighs around the mind, some relived, some irritated.  
Dennis felt a little of both emotions.

Laughing, Jade teased Dennis. _"I'd make fun of you for not keeping it in your pants, but at least we don't have a boner this time."_

Humiliated, Dennis hissed at her, while Patricia clicked her tongue, _"Shut_ _up ; you couldn't do any better."_

 _"Dennis, you're so gross!"_ Norma squealed at him, voice mocking.

 _"It's a perfectly normal reaction for a boy in the prime of his youth; Dennis here merely has more hormones in this body than the rest of us, and therefore has a harder time controlling them."_ Orwell droned on, not making Dennis feel any better.

Hedwig piped in, voice confused, _"What are you guys talking about? Why doesn't Dennis wanna talk to the pretty lady? I wanna talk to her, she looks nice-"_

Calming himself down, Dennis blocked out the others and listened as Barry started talking to the woman.  
He wasn't acting exactly he usually did, less extroverted and carefree, having seemingly realized that a sudden change in behavior would have been weird to a child psychologist.  
But, he was still more charming than Dennis, and Snow's smiles seemed a little brighter as she talked with him.

Dennis wanted to grind his teeth. Stupid urges... stupid desires.  
Dennis had been forced to shoulder Kevin's desires for girls, but Barry, he just didn't have them.  
It wasn't fair.  
Dennis didn't _sulk_ , but he kept to himself, thinking darkly, as best as he could in their splintered mind.

 _"Hey, Hedwig?"_ Barry called out to the boy, gently.

 _"Yes?"_ Hedwig's lisp was back in full force as he hurriedly answered Barry, trying to please him. _"What is it?"_

_"Why did you steal the cat?"_

Barry was carrying on a conversation with Snow as he talked to Hedwig, which Dennis knew from experience was quite difficult. Saying something meant for the inside on the outside would raise some odd questions.

Hedwig stayed silent- pouting, thinking carefully, delaying the inevitable, Dennis wasn't sure- and Barry didn't ask again.

After ten or so minutes of questioning, with Barry assuring Snow that he was fine, he was just scared of going to jail, and that's why he ran and had a meltdown, he "admitted" that it seemed rather childish now, but that was before he knew how nice the officers at the station were!

The detective, to Dennis' surprise, was also charmed by Barry's charisma, and gave him a donut. Dennis felt his phantom skin crawl as Barry ate the sugary treat, licking his fingers clean of the icing.  
He'd need to scrub their hands in scalding water before he could use them again.

Barry seemed to be handling the interrogation well, but, after he asked what time it was, and they all learned it was only a couple of hours before they needed to be home, the rest of them started to panic.

 _"Oh no, oh no, oh no..."_ Polly whimpered.

Goddard told Barry, _"You need to go wrap this up; we can't stay here much longer."_

Barry was clearly trying his best to reassure them, and things went smoothly until Snow said something that made them all freeze in terror.

"Well, I think we're done talking here. You seem to be just fine, Kevin. I just need to call your mom and have her pick you up."  
Snow was smiling kindly, but Barry and the others were horrified.

If Snow called Kevin's mother, they were dead.  
Well, not actually dead, but they'd _wish_  they were.

Polly wailed as the other alters argued and tried to figure out a solution.  
Hedwig started crying, weakly apologizing.  
Dennis could already imagine the beatings he'd be forced to take, feel the hanger slicing into him as their mother ravaged him. Kevin being arrested would cause her so much anger and humiliation (or so she'd claim).  
Dennis didn't know if they'd ever caused her this much trouble; if anything else even compared with how furious this would make her.  
He wondered if Kevin would even be able to go to school Monday, because they certainly wouldn't be able to attend Sunday School tomorrow.

"Doctor Snow, you don't- you don't _need_ to call my mom." Barry tried to convince her, smiling nicely, if not a little desperate. "It's okay, I can walk myself home, I'm thirteen now!"

Snow's face shifted, suddenly suspicious. "Is there a reason you don't want me to call your mom?" She crossed her arms, scrutinizing him. "Is there something going on between you two?"

Barry's eyes went wide, and the others screamed at him to do damage control. If their mother learned they talked about her and made the police skeptical of her abilities as a parent, she would beat them until they couldn't move.  
And then beat them more, for good measure.

Dennis felt sick. He might be able to convince Goddard to take some of the punishment, but enduring most of it would be on him.  
Damn it, of course Barry just made things worse for them.

Barry frantically tried to come up with an excuse. "Uh- no, no of course not! She's just at work, and you know, busy and stuff. Don't wanna make her drive all the way down here just to pick me up." Barry laughed, slightly hysteric.

Doctor Snow's eyes narrowed. Dennis didn't think suspicion was very flattering on her.  
She leaned forward, and studied Barry.

"Your mother is unemployed." At Snow's words, Barry sat stock-still, and Dennis knew that they would have bloody bedsheets for a week. "Kevin, the police knew who you were because of the time you got lost and they brought you back to your mother."  
Dennis faintly recalled that; it happened years ago. Back when Hedwig had just surfaced, and he decided to run away from home, away from their mom's abuse. They had been found, wandering the streets, brought back to the station. Luckily, or unluckily, one of the policemen recognized him from church, and was able to look up and find his mother.  
She had beaten them so badly, Kevin still had a scar on his lower back from her cutting into him. Dennis didn't know that the police had filed any kind of report on them, but it was starting to make sense.  
The others were silent, absorbing what a truly horrible situation they were in. Only Kevin made any noise, panting in terror as he thought about what was going to happen.

Patricia murmured a prayer, and that's when Dennis knew they were really fucked.

Almost as quickly as they had fallen silent, Barry was brought back in. The others were surprised, feeling such a sudden change.  
Dennis felt enraged at Barry's perceived cowardice, and directed his anger towards him. " _What the hell, Barry?"_ He asked, viciously. _"Did you seriously fuck us and give up?"_

 _"Language, Dennis."_ Orwell scolded him, but Dennis knew that he really wanted to berate him for his anger.

Dennis scowled, and called out, _"Fine, I'll fix this, again, because none of you can do it."_  
_"Hedwig, give me the light."_

 _"I... I don't have the light."_ Hedwig admitted, to Dennis' shock.  
Confusion rippled around their mind, as they tried to figure out who was fronting.

Jade said, bemused, _"I... I think it's someone new, guys."_

 _"Someone new?"_ Polly asked, excited.

 _"I hope it's a girl."_ Norma scoffed.

 _"I hope whoever took me out actually can get us out of this mess."_ Barry muttered, put out.

 _"Just watch me."_ Came a new voice.

The rest of the alters chattered excitedly, but Dennis was already thinking about how much this would complicate things. There would be twelve of them, now, twelve people who all wanted a turn in the light.  
Dennis already felt cramped with the eleven others; hopefully they wouldn't gain many more.

He, and the others, watched as this new alter came into being and started artfully weaving a story for Doctor Snow. Something about how the toy was actually for their mom, a surprise gift because she was feeling sad lately, and they couldn't have a cat because of her allergies.  
This alter explained that they wanted to pay for the stuffed animal, honest, but they didn't have enough money for it right now.

Bashfully, they explained that, since their father had died, money had been tight, and they just wanted to make their mom happy.  
But, they tearfully explained, it seemed like they would just make their mom even sadder, by getting the police involved.

Someone cynical like Dennis would see through it in a heartbeat, but the sympathetic Doctor Snow ate it up. She held the alter's hands as they cried, softly and ashamed, professing how sorry they were.

As the alter dried their tears, Snow started to tear up on her own, and told them, "I always wanted to have a kitty cat when I was a child, but my daddy was allergic to them, too."

Dennis couldn't believe it. This- this new alter was incredibly manipulative, and also _extremely_ lucky.  
By the time they were done, it had been negotiated that the police wouldn't call Kevin's mom, but this would be a warning, and the next time they were called into the station, she would be informed, immediately.  
The alter accepted, and thanked both her and Detective Brown profusely.

As they finally stood up to leave, Snow gave a mischievous smile, and opened up her briefcase.  
"Ta-dah!" She crowed, and pulled out a stuffed cat.  
_The_ stuffed cat, Dennis realized, as Hedwig gasped.

"I thought that it was so odd that a boy like you was trying to steal a stuffed kitty, that I had the boys pay for it and bring it down here." Snow grinned, shaking the stuffed cat lightly. "I thought maybe there was some kind of painful, deep-seated trauma with this cat, but now I see you're just a nice boy who made a mistake."  
She offered the cat, continuing, "If you promise never to steal again, the cat is yours, and you can go on home and give it to your momma."

The new alter accepted, gratefully, and even gave Snow a hug as they were escorted out.  
Dennis wasn't sure if he should be happy or freaked out at how the situation had been resolved.

/-/-/-/-/

Once they were finished with everything at the police station, the new alter let Kevin have control over the body, so that he could walk them home. As soon as they slipped inside the mind, they were barraged by questions.  
Dennis listened as they introduced themselves.

 _"My name is Felicia. Nice to meetchall."_   She was still forming, but Dennis could tell now that she was, indeed, a girl. Yet another one; almost half of them were girls. Dennis didn't dwell on this long.

The girl continued. She was younger than Patricia, but older than Polly and Norma.  
_"I'm good at dealing with authority."_ She claimed, a smirk in her voice. _"The cops are so stupid."_  
She seemed both manipulative and rebellious, not a good combination.

 _"She's like Patricia and Heinrich combined."_ Orwell muttered, to Dennis, or just in general, Dennis didn't care.  
While he was... thankful she had suddenly came into being when they needed her (as they all did), he still wasn't thrilled they had yet another troublesome alter to deal with it.

Dennis, as he often did, thought about the good old days, when it was only him and Kevin in their split mind. Things were so much easier; Dennis would deal with their mother, the beatings, and the cleaning, and Kevin would deal with everything else.  
Things were simple back then. Things were... neat. Clean-cut.

Deciding to put that behind him for now, Dennis moved onto another, more pressing topic.  
Hedwig had been awfully quiet for quite a while, laying low while people were still mad at him, but had started excitedly talking to Felicia when she was answering their questions.  
Voice stern, Dennis called out, _"Hedwig. Tell us why you stole the cat."_

Said cat was stuffed into their jacket pocket, as Kevin wasn't sure what else to do with it. Their host was quiet, as he often was, especially when dealing with a new alter.  
The others usually let his thoughts about that stay private, and busied themselves with something else, like the new alter.

Not letting himself get distracted, Dennis repeated, letting his voice reveal a little anger, _"Hedwig. The cat. Now."_

The others whispered between them, and from Felicia's displeased hum, Dennis could tell she didn't like the attention shifting from her so soon.  
Too bad, this was more important.

Hedwig stuttered before mumbling, _"I- I was just.. I just wanted- you guys know Britney?"_  
Dennis frowned. What was Hedwig getting at?

 _"The singer?"_ Norma questioned, confused.

 _"Nooo!"_ Hedwig laughed, sounding a little more confident. _"The girl from our neighborhood. The pretty one, with blonde hair and those shiny boots that she put stickers all over-"_  
That cleared things up. Britney was a couple years younger than them; just some girl who didn't talk to him and always had a runny nose.

 _"Yeah, she had cancer."_ Hedwig's blunt statement caused a ripple of surprise to go around the group, with a few murmurs of assent. Dennis didn't involve himself with the other kids in their neighborhood, and didn't necessarily care about them, but it was still surprising to him.

Hedwig continued, his voice childishly thoughtful, _"And she came back from the hospital today, and tomorrow's her birthday!"_  
_"She invited me to come over and eat cake, because we're such good friends, but, it's church day, you know, so I said I can't come."_  
_"But I still felt really bad, so I wanted to get her something as a birthday present."_

 _"She likes flowers, and purple, and cats, etcetera."_ Hedwig shrugged. _"So, I saw that cat and thought she'd love it! The bow is pink, but, she's a girl, she has to like pink."_

Heinrich sighed, angrily, _"You dumbass, why'd you steal it, then?"_

Hedwig pouted. _"If I took our money, you guys would get so mad at me! I didn't want to steal the kitty, but I didn't have no choice!"_ He was whining, in that annoying, childish way that he did, and Dennis didn't even want to deem him with a response.  
Of all the stupid reasons- they had been arrested today, almost got their mom suspected by the police, and had even further splintered their mind, all over a stupid dumb cat for some girl that probably didn't even like him that much.

Patricia swooped in, voice chiding but gentle, _"Hedwig, dear, you mustn't do these things. No matter if think you were doing it for a good reason, stealing is a sin."_  
She sighed, sorrowful in tone. _"Now we must all apologize to God, for not being able to stop you before you did."_

 _"Sorry, Miss Patricia,"_ Hedwig apologized, meekly. _"And, uh, sorry God. Thanks for curing Britney of cancer, too, she's really nice and shouldn't die."_  
He perked up. _"Can you give it- the kitty to her, Miss Patricia? It's church day tomorrow, so I can't really come out."_

The energetic Hedwig was not a good match for sitting quietly and listening to sermons, so he rarely fronted then. Saturday, their day of play, was his day, and it was almost over.  
Patricia agreed, and the chatter in their mind lulled, as the others finished welcoming Felicia, and explained to her some of the basics of living with them.

"Things weren't as bad as it could have been." Kevin said, quietly, his head ducked down so no one could see his lips move.  
Dennis didn't want to agree with him, because, while it was true, things could have gone so much worse.

As Kevin trudged down the sidewalk, pausing as he reached their front yard, Dennis let himself fade away, hoping he wouldn't wake up to yet another crisis.

**Author's Note:**

> To be honest, the idea for this story came from me thinking about one little part with Dennis.  
>   
> I thought about Dennis being cock-sure that he could handle a situation, and then being overwhelmed by something as small as seeing a woman's bra. Something like, no matter how serious he is, he still can't control his hormones. I like to tease characters I like, ha.  
>   
> I hope to write more about Split, especially now that I'm excited about the Sequel, so please comment if there's anything you'd like to see, and if you liked this fic.  
>   
> And, feel free to correct me if anything about the characters seems wrong; the ones shown in Split might act a little different, because they're younger and more immature (hence Dennis swearing internally, because that boy is just a mess of hormones and spite at this age).  
> Thanks a lot~


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